i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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