Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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