do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
