it wasn't lemon gatorade
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
