I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
