I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
