i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
