4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
