I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
