I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
