What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
