Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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