By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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