I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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