She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
