Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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