stop calling my apartment porn island.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Enjoy the penises
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
