ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
