They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
