Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
