So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
