Non-Jews are for practice
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
