No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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