Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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