I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
