So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
