Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
