drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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