foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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