Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need to calm my uterus...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
