Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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