he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bring money and cleavage
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
