I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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