dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
