just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
