I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
