Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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