addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
