I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
