There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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