Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Randomize
