I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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