Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
