I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
