wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
