you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
