if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
