don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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