none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
