i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
