You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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