I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
