Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
