made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
