beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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