This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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